I've never felt this sad before. The last time I cried "hard" like this was years ago when I was really down. Saturday night was always a blissful night for me but not yesterday. I just can't stop crying. Sometimes, when you are happy, you tend to forget the consequences. The thing is, we just don't know when.

Past. Everyone including me has their own past. Maybe my past was a bit pathetic but I was a victim of cyber bully by my own ex. Maybe for some, it is just normal case but for me, it left a scar on my heart until now. Being judged by someone who I used to know and used to love. I managed to wash away all my past, after trying hard to hide myself from him, I bumped into him at my school. After years, when I looked at him, my heart started to beat faster and faster and I calmed myself down by saying, "it's ok. It's over now." I believe Allah planned this to test how strong my heart is. I managed to pull through, no tears but of course, memories and harsh words from him still linger in my head, for a while and it vanished at the same time. For whatever reason, I'm strong enough to face him IF Allah decided to bump into me and him again.

That's my past. People have different kind of past. Bad good or whatever kind of memories. The question is, how long are you going to hide yourself from your past? Maybe I'm not in your shoes. Maybe I don't understand the situation but I don't want to force either. This is your choice. If you hide, keep on hiding until you are strong enough to face it. I am here to try and help and when I heard the reason, deep inside my heart, I'm hurt.

After all, the choice is in your hand. I don't have the authority to control you. If you are happy to hide, I will try to be happy as well. I will understand like how I understand you and your situation as always. Always keep in mind that, God has a better plan for us. For you. For me. For the people.

I hate this heavy feelings right now. I hate to deal with heart problem. I hate to be sad just because of your past. I hate it when tears started to flow. Dear Allah, what am I suppose to do when you keep on testing me like this? You know, I am not strong. :'(