2011...

In 2 days time, we are going to leave 2011 and meet 2012. There are so many memories and things happening during the year of 2011.

I admit the first few months of 2011, I was so happy and cheerful. Maybe because I had a crushed on someone who I thought I will fall for. Maybe because Little Zikry was there (he always be there eversince 27 November 2010) to light up the environment at my home. It's just something that I thought I would be happy for long for the year of 2011. And I didn't know that the happiness that I went through was all temporary. Just. For. Awhile.

My life, in fact most of our life is like Ferris wheel. We're not always at the top and sometimes, we have to experience the lower part of the wheel, called sad/down. Maybe because of my anger. I cannot control it and sometimes, I have to express this anger of mine through twitter and it affect my characteristic. I know I've wronged but somehow, people judge me of who I am just because I'm in angry mode. Maybe, I'm angry for the wrong reason. Maybe because I expect too much from someone and that expectations leads to disappointment. And when I disappointed, it will lead to this anger where everything was affected. I cried a lot and I got no mood to smile and I forgot to smile during that period of time. I'm just a fool expecting things that is not going to happen. I admit that my anger management sucks and I want to kill it before I 'murder' someone who I love a lot.

I am still trying very hard to be very cool, calm and relax. Anger. It's not a good sign and it only worsen the situation when you're angry. I know cause I'm in that situation before. I am still trying. Insyaallah. I just need support. Moral support. :)

On the later part of 2011, I met back my friend, Khairi. A guy who helped me a lot especially when I just need someone 2 years back. Thanks to AK for invited him along during the dinner on 29 July 2011. I didn't know from that dinner, we are going to meet each other again. I didn't expect anything but as far as I'm concern, I caught myself smiling whenever there's a short meet up with them. And everything fall into places and now I just love him and he's just not my friend, but my lover and he's my other half and I keep on falling in love with him over and over again. I hope he will be my last bf cause I just want him. Only him. :)

Everything happened for a reason and I believe God has planned out for me what are my journey for the year 2011. But I believe, there's no ups when there's no down. It's just life. In 2011, I have learnt a lot of things. Sadly, 2011 gonna leave us like any other years before this.

I want my 2012 to be a better year for me. I want to be a good daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend and to be a better person for the sake of Allah. I am sure, Allah has a better plan for me and I still believe there will be a down fall for me in one or a few months in 2012. I am prepared, Insyaallah. :)

May 2012 will be a better year for me, my family, friends and with my boyfriend of course. Insyaallah. *winks*

Can you hear me?

I can still smell your perfume. I miss you.

2 weeks BRRRREAKK!

Alright, I was down with fever, stomach ache and migraine all in one day,last Friday. It was bad, very bad day for me cause I wanted to go home but thinking that on that day was the last day of school and it would be wasted if I took MC on that day. So I've decided to stay in school and took 2 crushed panadols and line-up the chairs and sleep like a boss inside the lab. I just need that rest to ease the migraine. I can really sleep despite the noise pollution made by the guys who play COUNTER STRIKE. *shakehead*

And that picture above taken before I fall sick. Maybe because I missed my dear fav boy just after he got into that bus number 8? Haha. Ouh yes, he's sweeeet enough to send me to school on that day. I love you cause you're not that sweet cause you're just being yourself. :D



L is for Linda. L is for Love. L is for Like. L is for LAME. Yes, lame. I don't know why my friends wanted to meet my fav boy really bad? Hello, it's really up to me to decide whether to let them meet my bf or not right? Why they must make a huhu haha over it? Yeah, "tanam lah". "Simpan lah". Whatever. I'm not angry I feel like you guys should really get a freaking life or just take care of your own relationship. I know, I'm new to this, but,STOP talking about HONEYMOON period! Bloody hell, I'm not you and you are not me. So buzz off friends. :) "Lelaki da mcm bukan lelaki. Kaypo like whattt only." Pfft. -.-"

What to do, whenever they say something, I'll just nod. Nod. Nod and nod. Smile, smile and smile. I'm at peace whenever I keep quiet and let them talk and not hearing what they say. I only took a few advises but the nonsense part, I think you guys are just wasting your saliva talking to me. I'm not hearing anw. *shrug*

2 weeks of holiday and my project still stagnant like that. I hate it lah. Thinking of project, I wanted to faint~! Anw, happy 2 weeks holiday everybody. I'll see you guys next year. 2012. :)

Cousin cum Bestfriend

Salbiah, she's just not any other cousin. We've been so closed since I was in secondary school. Shared so many things to her and until now, we've been sharing stories especially about our personal life together and how from sad to become happy to sad again and so on and forth. She's my paternal cousin, the only cousin I have for now since the rest of the paternal cousin are not really close and we met like what, once a year or worst not seeing each other at all. We didn't talk or say hi bye, just a pathetic smile to each other. Lame.

For once, I thought we are not gonna get close together but as years past by, we become close and always, there's always things for us to talk about. I regard her as my best cousin as well as bestfriend. I just love her like my own sister. Hehe.



She's so beautiful. Everyone like her and eventually loves her. I'm so proud to be her cousin cause all my friends are so-called in malay lah, "tergile2kan" at her till I don't know what to do. All my friends the guys lah especially will ask me if they can add her on twitter, facebook, phone number etc. Ouh well, it runs through the blood. :D But she's the type who loves to make friend with anyone but one thing she dare not do is, when she's out with my friends alone. She will forever asked me whether I'm coming along or not. How cute she is? :D



Cause she's just my cousin! Ouh well, break her heart and I'm gonna break your heart too. Maybe not phsyically but emotionally. ;) Salbiah Sadi, you're my everything. *<3*

And....



For you, after Salbiah, you're my everything too. I love you more and more each day. I fall in love with you everytime you make me smile. I'm not going to tell anymore details about you cause this is for me know and for the readers (if any) to find out. He's the apple of my eye. *<3*



Although I kena scolded by my mom. Nagged here and there, I am so surprised that I didn't talk back or cry inside the room silently. Maybe it's good thing for me. I've improved and I like it. Why would I cry when these thing will repeat all over again? Heh. I'm sorry,but I am a stubborn girl who wants some space on my own. I'm a pain in the ass. *shrug*

I love being me....

You wanna make I say,I do.

This song has got to do with me. N I like it. Enjoy. :D

For the 1st time...

For the 1st time, I never felt so happy till I cried.
Those tears are tears of joy.
My heart was at peace yesterday night while mesmerizing the dark and beautiful skies.
Esp when I'm with you by my side. :)
For the 1st time, I have someone who will wipe my tears away.
& I thought, I was dreaming and that someone is you,K.
No words to describe and I leave the tears flowing down on my cheeks.
Thinking of you everyday. Missing you everyday even if you're beside me.
& I keep on falling in love with you every time.
Maybe to others it's too soon, too early but I'm sure, I really love you, Khairi. ♥
Sincerely, Nur Haslinda Sanib.

They just being the same

Honestly, eversince I'm having Khairi in my life, I've become popular as days goes by. I mean I hate being asked around. I thought all my poly friends especially the guys, are not that kaypo about my personal life but no, they kept asking me a very common qns. I hate when being asked around like where did I go with my boyfriend, what did I do with him. BLAH BLAH BLAH. And sometimes, they just not asked qns but they commented about him. I hate people who don't know anythng about my bf started to judge. They judge here and there and expect me to agree? Sometimes, I kept quiet and dare not say anything as Khai advised me before to just smile and keep quiet.

Idk if they are being jealous or being cool, but whenever I'm with them, they started to irritates me with these qns and they also judge. Ok, I know, I'm not that pretty and I'm not that girly to their eyes but I have my pride ok. You said, What my bf sees in me? I got hurt actually. But I don't really care about that actually. I just don't like them talking bad things about my bf enough said.

Judge me if you want but don't ever judge him like you people actually know him. You people can actually buzz of and mind your own business. -.-" LIKE SERIOUSLY. Thank god the girls in my class are not that "laser" like the guys. The world has change already.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let him join you guys in any outing. I'm not going to bring him along to meet you guys. No way. I'm not gg to let him think that you people are actually stupid. NO. When I said, no means no and they can't forced me.

If it's meant as a joke, I'm sorry you people are actually lame. LAME. I'm only tell the story to one of the girls only and not to you guys. Maybe to one of the guys also. They suck my blood like nobody business. And to my partner I think you should stop looking tru at my msg between me and my bf. SERIOUSLY. -.-"

To my dearest K, I miss you so much. :(

Reminisce the past

Was reading my old blog yesterday and it really brought me to tears. Truthfully, I'm still hurt of what happened 2 years ago. The word slut and fucked still lingering inside my mind. I don't understand how someone can be so immature to call me like that. How can I not hate him? He's just a guy with a grudge. And friends who know about,I hate him, think that I'm holding grudges at him. I don't hold grudges at people easily. But to the extend calling me names, is just so rude. *shrug*

Now, I appreciate things I have today. Firstly, my family who' been there for me throughout my sad years. 2ndly, my friends. My good friends. 3rdly, my boyfriend. Until now, I still can't believe that I'm actually having a boyfriend who was my classmate during ITE days. Haha. Very funney but I'm in love with him since he accompanied me to throw away my stupid ring somewhere near and he's the one who advised me a lot of things back then. Thank you very nice,sir. ;)

Why would I worry? Why would I be sad? Ever since, he's here, I kept on smiling and I am happy now. Alhamdulilah. I'm going to cherish everything. I just heart youuuu. :)

I Heart You

Cause you always makes me smile even when I'm sad, tired or cranky.
Cause I've been in love with you ever since the 'Chinese Garden talk' 2 years ago.
Cause whatever thing you do, you do it sincerely.
Cause you accept me of who I am and not based on the appearance.
Cause you always been there for me when I need you.
Cause you are apple of my eye.
Cause I just love you...
Sincerely, Nur Haslinda.

Currently, I'm inside the dark room accompany by the darkness,sound of raindrops and thunder. I'm alone but this is how I spend my lonely time either tweeting, listening to song from youtube or waiting for him to msg me. :)

God has been listening to my prayers. Thanks Allah. I'm enjoying my life right now. I am happy and on top of that I'm contented with my life right now. With my good friends around and him, I'm blessed to have them. :D But, I'm still scared that one day everything gonna change just because of me. I know myself well and all I can say now, I want to change to become a better person. I've made a mistake before and no one adores it. I'm just scared always scared. I simply don't have faith in myself. But I'm strong enough to move on. Just step by step and I'm gonna be ok. Insyaallah.

I used to be very rough to the people whom I closed but for once I tot they will somehow find the soft spot of me cause at the end of the day, I'm still a girl with a fragile heart. I cried easily and I get mad easily too. I don't blame them, I blame myself for being like this. But for once, there's a soul who actually know me inside rather than judge me from the outside. For once, I felt much appreciated. :)

Things change for a reason. I change for a reason. It's because not because of someone else but because, the reason is you. Because you enlighten me with your nonsense. You bring back my smile when I forgot how to smile back then. Smiling to myself is a new thing now cause when I smile, I'll think about you. It's you, who I've been searching for and I leave it to God for the rest....



Time to heal. Time to decide.....

This is me~

All I wanted now is some happiness. Alhamdulilah, I smiled a lot for the past few weeks. And I mean a lot. I don't know if loves strike me again, but for all I care, I am happy. Very very happy.

My favourite thing to do is to watch the sunset. I've been longing to watch the sunset with someone special. Maybe it's too early to say this, but that someone special is sweet enough to bring me somewhere near to watch sunset. It was beautiful and thank god for the beautiful sight you have created. :)





It is nice right, it's peaceful and thank god, maybe, I found you? :) *tears of joy*

:D

Somehow this song got something to do with me. Hmmm. The lyrics are so meaningful to me. This part has something to do with me in my not so current situations.

"Airmata bertamu tidak kenal erti jemu, menemani hatiku tak mengira ruang waktu. Mengapa dari dulu, tak kau katakan padaku, kehadiranku ini menyusahkan."

So, you get it. I get it cause I know the meaning very very well.

But now, there's someone who have already returning my smile and yes, I am very very happy. I appreciate that and I just we continue and be like this all the time. :) I just love the company and the nonsense. Hehe.

Ok, won't let everything out. All I know is, last semester's holiday was great. But lucky to say that, this semester's holiday is the BEST. I want more of it and and and I don't want this holiday to end pleaseeee?

Sing-Along Hey

First thing first, Happy 21st Birthday to you Khairi. :) I know you like your favourite jersey of yours. I still remember the epic moment when you opened the gift of yours. lol.

Anw, yesterday we had karaoke session cum birthday celebration with 2 birthday boys. More like we celebrate belated and advanced birthday celebration. :D It was the sweetest night ever. Thank you fellow good friends for making it happened. I had the blast. Ok, picture time! :D

















<3



Ok, time for soccer. Will update you more! :) For now,please enjoy theseee pictures. Muakx.

Yeah,go on and put the blame on me

Yes, I did say "I'm not regret of not coming to their trip. I don't feel anything at all." I know, I tweeted that and it's really up to me to tweet something like that or not. Fuck lah. I don't need friends like them ok. Sensitive of something. I don't want to care about them anymore. Before this, I had so much peace when I can tweet things I want without thinking about others. But now, it's like I'll have to think twice just for them,eh FUCK YOU GUYSS OFF! *pissed*

Of course they can be exciting sometimes, but they judge me! They judge me of who I am. I don't need them lah seriously. I want this to be over soon. What's wrong of me tweeting that? What's wrong. You trying to "blame" just because I didn't tag along to their trip. I know the more the merrier. But have you guys think about me as a girl? You know how leceh it is to play with the water? Especially when I'm having my period? Do you know that, it is reasonable reason of me not going to your trip. I'm the only girl and do you know about hukum? I thought you guys know and have the knowledge than me? Huh huh huh? Fucking pissed off lah sial! Korang buat aku mcm minah rep now,sial.

And why do I need that long talk? If you think I'm ok of course you just let go and have fun with your holiday. Why must you want to have that fucking long talk with me? I don't need that seriously. I'm ok and seriously ok. Why the fuck I have to listen to his talk? -.-" But since if you insist, let see who will call me. You me, I don't think so! Don't waste time talking to me when there's nothing to talk about. I'm sorry, but eversince my classmates have this twitter, I become more scaared to tweet and I just want to be myself tru twitter! Fucker, please understand that! -.-" Now, there's nomore. =/

I don't think I can be the same again after this. I don't give a fuck anymore. Maybe to some I'll treat nicely but to most of you who judge me, go and fuck yourself. -.-"

I'm so angry sorry for the language.

It's Not Love

I want you to sing me to sleep,
And hold me where the nightmares cannot find me.
Ever since the day you walked into my life,
The pain has ceased,
I feel like I can breathe again.

You give me feelings that I can't explain,
And though it feels too far too fast I can't complain.
But it's taking everything in me to refrain.
When I hear your name,
I fall again.

These butterflies are fluttering,
And threatening to break free,
If I can't keep them caged inside.
These stolen glances, doorstep kisses,
I don't think I've ever felt like this,
I don't know what it is.
Please don't stop me,
From falling.
It's not love-
But it could be.

I want to forget about the things,
That make me so afraid to give my heart again.
And you provide the safety that I need,
When I'm in your arms I can conquer anything.

You give me feelings that I can't explain,
And though it feels too far too fast I can't complain.
But it's taking everything in me to refrain.
When I hear your name,
I fall again.

These butterflies are fluttering,
And threatening to break free,
If I can't keep them caged inside.
These stolen glances, doorstep kisses,
I don't think I've ever felt like this,
I don't know what it is.
Please don't stop me,
From falling.
It's not love-
But it could be.

In your eyes,
Are the answers I've been praying to find.
You're one of a kind,
I'd be lucky to call you mine,
But I'll wait,
Until the day.

These butterflies are fluttering,
And definitely breaking free,
Cause I can't keep them caged inside.
These stolen glances, doorstep kisses,
I know I have never felt like this,
And now I'm sure of it.
Do not stop me,
I am falling.
Yeah it's love-
The way it should be.

(Someone asked me to listen to this song. :))

This holiday gonna be different. I don't want to get emotionally attached to anyone because I just don't want to get hurt anymore by the same person. It's partly my fault of not being able to control my anger and also to control my emotions whenever there's a fight going on. I used to think, he will be my bestfriend one day but no, he can't even accept me of who I am as a friend.

Have you ever dream of someone who will come to you as your bestfriend and ended up becomin your real bf? Yes. I do. Always do. But to have a bestfriend is too late already cause everyone came from a different background which include, they have a group of friends already. Finding bestfriend now is really too late. And I just can't have a close guy friend. Because we will end up like this. Malay said, pergi ke haluan masing masing. *shrug*

At some point I'm losing track. I don't how to be in the situation where you have to handle this feelings all by yourself. Only God knows how I feel. Sometimes, I wish I can really listen to what others think about me in their head. Guess,I have to get used to this kind of situation then. Haiz.




It's always them who makes me smile. They are the first group of people who will tolerate with my attitude and behaviour. Who will tolerate except for them?



Even I don't really like to share my personal stories to her but she can read me. When I'm sad she will know even if she won't ask. Thanks mom, for the love you gave it to me. :)



These are from my mom's side. Just look at us. We're all grown up and of course there's a new member joining our clan. However, to my late aunty, Allahyarham Rokiah Aziz, you're missed. Al-fateha for her.



I'm trying to be strong now. I feel much more peaceful than before. I smile a lot these days and thanks to someone for making me smile every single day/night. Maybe our problems is not the same but the company that we shared are really much appreciated. :) Thank you.

I think,I know what I really want now....

Change?

I've to let go of someone who I can't even have. Sad but life have to move on. =/

I've decided that I'm no longer liking him. It's impossible to like him now cause, we can't even be close friends. We can't do that. How sad life is right. Hmmmm. We no longer hang out, no longer texting with each other, no longerrr etc....... And that's why, I shut myself up from people except for my ite peeps. I'm much comfortable having them around. I can laugh and make jokes with. Simply, they are the best.. <3

I don't know what to say anymore... Speechlesss.

I've decided not to tag along to Malacca trip as I'm the only girl in the clan. I'm ok when another girl tag along but with me and the boys, I better don't want to take the risk. I don't want to be like a mother taking care of their things when they happily enjoy playing with the water. And I just scared that my period will come on that day which is gonna be very leceh! So, I have to back off and let the guys have fun time in their own ways. I'm sorry.

Anyways, jalan raya with the ITE peeps was way to fun and awesome. We have to squeeze in to Hyundai and talking crap inside was such an interesting thing to do. LOL. Thank you to those who were involve! :D <3





Everything seems to be different now. I'm not the cause of it, it's you who want it this way. Before anything bad happen, I think it's better if we stay like this. Please stop saying I'm different towards you,cause I'm saving my energy not to fight with you anymore. I'll just act dumb and act as though nothing happen cause I won't disturb you anymore. Period.



Love me,love me not. Up to you. :D

"So lets ignore each other, try to pretend the other person doesn't exist, but deep down, we both know it wasn't supposed to end like this." - TweetMajik-

2nd Family?

My raya this year is kind of messy. My family and I will be out jalan raya this Friday, Saturday and Sunday. What do you expect? The brother rent the car kind of late and have to push forward to this Friday. Bad move. Really bad move. *shakehead* Anywoos, I can't wait for jalan raya with the ite peeps this Sunday even if it's halfway for me. I really wanted to jalan raya with them why, it's been 2 years since I last jalan raya with them, cause of the guys undergoing NS. Now, ord oh! :D

Yesterday dinner date was really awesome. Enough said. :D











I am really glad to have them as my friends. 4 years and still counting. I just hope the friendship will last long. :D Amin, insyaallah.










It's zikry's first raya and it's my first time wearing pink. I feel so lady-like. Hehe. More pictres to come after next week. ;)

It's confirmed that the friendship gonna sink soon. Maybe not now but after a year. It's sad thing when friends become strangers. *shrug* However, life has to move on.

My fault

I don't know, but today is the worst day ever. A couple of friends just langgar my wire today. I just cannot take it anymore. When I planned out something which is not belong to me, I seriously wanna help that people. I always helped people but in return, I got shit than anything else. Everything is my fault because that's what I always get. To think, that I'm ngade ngade towards you is such a huge mistakes. I don't have the time in the world to ngade ngade with you by getting pissed off with you. I got my own reasons of why I get angry with you.

1. You asked for a help. To plan out study outing at SIM. You said, please and I helped you by spreading the plan.

2. You blamed me for letting you stay the whole night just to wait for my update with regards of holiday. I don't ask you to wait. I said wait only but not wait until e whole night.

3. You said, anything when I asked you whether you come today or not. So I assume you are not sick!

4. You asked me qns like as if you are really coming for the study grp but no, when I asked you again, you said "ntah, lum tau pergi ke tak" I assume that you really don't care and that's why I'm angry at you,ass. Which part of the sms you said you are sick? NO.

5. After I tweeted about you and getting pissed of, then you msged me that you are having headache. After I GET ANGRY. So, when I'm angry you just have to msg me like that? Easy huh for you.

6. You asked me whether I'm still angry at you or not, I explained why i'm angry and what you said, "if i'm sick, i let you know what. Nvm." Easy right. You talked like as if I'm at fault. Thanks.

7. I forgive you but still I feel that I'm the one who is at fault. No thank you for planning the study grp. No nothing, just putting me in a blame state. -.-"

8. Thank you, I just hope you get well soon. Thank you for making me angry and like as if I'm at fault. Ape ape kau ckp/buat semua orng sokong kau bulat2, but krng suke nk demoralised aku. Penghinaan tentang aku pun, aku selalu diam. Kau hina aku mcm aku nie tak laku pun, aku diam. Memang, aku nie slow, tak laku, gatal, tak berhati perut..All the negativity, kau campak kat aku bulat2. Aku tetap berdiam diri. Thanks eh. Thanks.

I just hope you're happy for giving me such problem. I helped you,sincerely without asking you to pay me back. -.-"

I'll take the blame....

Raya or not Raya

Alhamdulilah. We've been fasting for 21 days already and it's a week to hari raya. Seriously, I don't feel excited because 3rd day of raya is my one and only exam. How to study and be excited like that eh? Somemore, I've yet to demo my MDAD project. I don't know, why must I always be in the same group with high standard people. *shrug* I'm happy that it is going to be over soon but urgh, tomorrow I must come to school for my demo. Boring or what. -.-"

My GPA going to drop soon because of this fucked up projects. All 3 projects are codings and why the fuck I take this line sia? I'm seriously in the wrong course and there's no point regretting it. Grr. Codings and codings only genius can do but majority of us, will never understand that. Screwed.I'm so demoralizing. =/





And that's Khairi and Artchap! Ouh my god. From 4 to 7 members. I'm so happy. Old friends are found. :D Iftaring with them.

Before that, been coming home late and iftaring in school almost everyday due to projects. I'm gonna miss that moment where all non-muslims friends ate dinner with us! The moment was incredible! :P

Haya. Gonna sleep now. I wish I can go Malacca with my friends this coming September. I really need it! Booo.

Ramadan is here again....

Alhamdulilah, Ramadan is here again and as usual, nothing have changed. This year Ramadan is still the same as last year. I'm lucky that all my family members are here again still breathing to celebrate this holy month of Ramadan. Alhamdulilah. Syukran. But sadly to say, my aunt. This year raya, I'm gonna miss her and i don't know how the family gonna faced it.

Last Friday was awesome. Dinner and cathing up session with the ite mates/good friends over at Breeks. I didn't know Khairi would join us after sooo long. It has been 2 years since I last heard about him. :D He's still the same and I like the way he jokes around with people. He's really a funney guy lah. :P I want more of this please. Iftar and raya outing, planned out already. Insyaallah we all can make it. :D I'm excited.

I wonder if I've made a big mistake. I wonder why can't we be the same again? If I make a mistake, I'm sorry. If I didn't, I think it's the best for me to stay on like this. Noone get hurts and everything will be like last time. If the distance we are facing is for our own good, I guess, this is our destination. I'm back to normal self already but if somthing ticks me off, I'll get angry and ended up crying. Thanks for the memories which I believed won't repeat and won't last long. I know this is sucks but life have to move on anw. We are not what we used to be. That's all. Not going to be sad in this kind of situation anymore. Basically, I always like to a wrong person. *shrug*

Projects are driving me insane. There are 3 projects all together and this week is the demo week for EWA. Next week will be ASP.net and the rest of a time will be cracking head with MDAD project. My life is getting high on codes which I will never understand. Seriously. I just hope, God will let me go tru this with an open heart and mind. I just don't want to breakdown cause I want to cry and once I'm settle with my projects. Insyallah. Help me God.

I'm gonna change my appearance slowly. From my tops to bottoms to my tudung. I did not change because of people but because I wanted to change for myself. Noone can change me but myself. Noone can comment about my outfit but the close ones. I'm gonna change for my own good. :)

Magrib's over and Welcome to the month of Ramadan. It's sad that I can't fast tomorrow. =/ But I believe in Qadak and Qadar. Allah....

The most important in my life is my own life. I never thought that a little bit of changes can teared me down. This is when a friend of mine told me that, I've change and he didn't realize that whatever he said applies to him also. -.-" Yes, I've change but for their own good. I mean, I don't want to talk which will offend other people's feelings. =/

I didn't know that I'm a bubbly girl until a friend of mine told me that, I'm not as bubbly like last time. Because of that statement, I cried. Seriously, they noticed me even for a bit. Now, they want me to be like before. Be my normal self and be selfish for once. Insyaallah, I will but, I scared people will change instead of me. I shouldn't have think too much about other people. I think, if people want to change for their own good, I'll have to accept it. After all, people will always change right? *shrugg* But I will get to my normal self soon. It takes time to heal. Pray for me yeah. ;)

I'll try my best to be myself and will always smile no matter what. I just hope, this week will be my good week to start off. Amin. :D

Guys, please be more sensitive towards a girl can? I'm the only girl here and have some mercy please? I hate to cry infront of you guys and I don't find that kind of joke is funney for me. =/

I don't like to cry. Why would I want to waste my tears with people whom I call friends? Seriously, I'm embarrassed when tears started to roll down on my cheeks. Why can't you people understand. A joke is for me to laugh but not to cry. Why ouh why?

Do I have to be like this whenever the joke of me being the guilty one? Hope today will be the last time you make the joke like this. I hate to see me crying especially infront of my friends. -.-"

And to you, I don't seem any reason why whenever I say something, do something, you must be cold shoulder at me? If I say or do anything wrong, please be kind enough and let me knw can? I hate guessing game and you already know how much I hate it when I talk or ask ppl and then no response. Why must be me? Am I the bad one among the rest? Nah, just wandering. =/

On a lighter note, today, I'll be receiving the Director's List award and i'm so sexcited about it. Actually, not that excited. But alhamdulilah, this is my dream to achieve something from poly. :D I'm a happy kid.

Gonna sleep now. Class gonna starts at 8am meaning 515am, I'll be waking up. Urgh, hate the Qs of 168. Damn. -.-"

Too weak to be strong.

I may not be perfect but all I want now is to be happy. It seems that my life is not as happy as I wanted to be. Everything fall into places perfectly until there's one time it fall. Yes, I fall. I always wanted to be that kind of person who don't need to think about his/her happiness. Watching how they can smile, laugh without showing their problems. But for me no. I can't control and can break down easily. That's me. Like it or not, I don't know who will accept it.

If I have the chance to migrate, I'll migrate now and run away from this stupid things that always haunting me ever since. I've been hiding my real feelings at home and pretended that I'm happy and fake a smile for everyone. Sometimes, my heart aches seeing my mom,dad,sister and brother living in their own world not worrying about their problems. But for me, I can't. :'( I really want to run away and hide this feelings of mine. It went up and down and I fucking hate it already. :/

I can only rely on you,blogger. I just can't explain my feelings to anybody right now. Be it to my parents, siblings, friends or cousin. Not anyone but you. I wish this thing will be over soon but how? While I blog,I cried. My heart aching. I wanted to become like my adik. She's so strong and I really want myself back. It's been days and I had enough already.

Dear God, please give me strength and make me strong. I always wanted to be happy. Don't crash my happiness. I had it last 2 years and I don't want this thing to happen again. I hate the feelings of not knowing anything. God, please guide me tru this. Give me an open mind and heart to handle this kind of situation.

I believe in myself. I believe in you.

Noone understands me. :'(

I don't know why suddenly I feel like this. I don't like it you see. How am I supposed to share why,what,how,when to people? I myself don't know why? Must be the PMS symtoms? Or is it me! Haiz. I want the old linda back. I want the old linda back. Seriously! I'm not going to burden people with this kind of situations. This is really killing me. I seriously hate myself for this.

I just want to laugh and have fun without thinking too much of problems. Where is my ego? Where is the old Linda. Please give her back to me. =/ I hate to see myself crying when I'm alone. The feelings is sucks. Noone will understand me but how? I can't explain it to everyone why am I'm down. Haiz. Not even the close friends.

I don't know the outcome of this. I dare not say any word because I don't want to. If I were to be alone, just let me be. I'm fine and I'm getting use to it. People come and go as and when they want, I can't force them to come back to me right? *shrugged*



I just want to be happy like last time. Period.

Vacation

Yesterday 2 of my friends went to KL for their vacation. How I wish I have a vacation with the family so that my term break seems to be much more fun and interesting. :( Staying here in Singapore is very boring and remind me of school work. Haiz. Ouh yeah, I must make myself busy till Monday. Cause my partner in crime is away since yesterday. No text messages from him to disturb me. Nope. Boring. I must bare with it lor. Miss him as a friend only nothing much. Hmm, idk lah or maybe... Shall not say here. *shrugged* I just hope he enjoyed his vacation and please come back in one piece friend. :)



I want to sit by the beach just to smell the sea breeze. It really relax my mind. Yeah man. :)



I don't know where I stand now. Something is holding me back and keep me hanging. Gosh, can I have the answer instead of hanging me like this? -.-"

I miss you...

I miss this bunch of people. Plus Ak too. Mus also. This Thursday, gonna meet them and gonna dine in Sushi. I'm craving for sushi actually. :D So yeah.



I miss having someone in my life. You know the feeling of love. I forgot how to fall in love. I've been liking a lot of people easily but not to the extend of falling in love. Maybe because I didn't know what I wish and wants. Everything seem to be fall apart. I smile, laugh, make jokes but still I'm lonely. I need that little thing that touches my heart.But idk where it goes. Been searching for it since I'm 13? Noone understand. That's why I lie to them. Lie that i don't want any guys right now. The thing is who wants me? I always wanted someone to come "hey you, i want to get to knw u better!" No. Since I'm 13 noone will ever do that. Call me desperate but that's what I always wanted to feel. But... only god know's how I feel. :'( Noone will know this little thing but you,me and Allah.

I miss you.... <3

Ouh well.

This month is really tough for me despite that I enjoyed myself on the first week of month. After that, I've been falling sick and there goes my faith in myself. =/ Firstly, headache. And because of that major headache, I took a day MC and luckily nothing's wrong. Blood test for me for the very 1st time and alhamdulilah, I'm a normal. Once that, on the same week, I was down with fever. For 3 days I stayed at home. It feels so suck and I can't do any work. And that was ok. 2 days later, after having lunch over at this shop (no name mention), I'm down with stomach flu. I can't take any solid food and I vomitted in school after eating porridge. What a luck. I was so weak that I can faint. I'm not going to have my lunch over there. I got stomach flu 2 times already and it feels sucky too. =/

I thanked my friend for so-called taking care of me during my sick day. Even if I'm at home, he will asking me whether I've recover and also keep pestering me to eat medicine. Yes, I don't like medicine and even if I say no to it, I have to eat it for my own health. Thank you once again,bf. Appreciate it a lot. :)

There's so many things need to think of. Firstly, project submissions. Secondly, term test. And thirdly, about my feelings. Why ouh why. There's no answer to my feelings. I'm not going to think about it.

I'm forever alone and I know I missed a lot of chance even if it's just a joke.

USS with BFs. :D

I had tons of fun with the boyfriends. I love every moment with them even I bumped into my ex. -.-" Of all days yeah. It's a mistake. Bloody mistake. =/ Whatever it is, I'm glad the 5 boyfriends made my day! :P CYLON FTW! :)

Man Utd CHAMP19ONS! I'm happy. Fook you Liverfool! :P